Sex Fail!

Not gonna go into too much detail here.  I live in my parent's basement, I got my own bathroom.  I decided to have sex in the shower.  Didn't end well at all.....

Not sure what to do..... My parents will kill me... and be disgusted.

I have failed.

Marketing Fail (or Win)

Sorry for no updates.  The girlfriend stayed over for 4 days, holy shit!  We watched some cool movies that I will review later on, but now for something I wanna get off my chest.

If you people didn't know, I'm a health nut.  It really pains me to see the country becoming more health-conscious, only to be fooled by elusive marketing.  Like the pic, that Sierra Mist Natural.  They came out with it as a healthy alternative to normal Sierra Mist, which is made with high fructose corn syrup.

Bullshit!

The health problem in America is obesity.  Drinking this Sierra Mist Natural in place of regular Sierra Mist, will do absolutely fucking nothing for you.  There actually is no health benefits.  Made with sugar, or high fructose corn syrup, they're both empty calories, and should both be avoided like the plague if you want to get healthy.  I really hope nobody falls for this.  Though I think they may have already.  I was shopping for diet Sierra Mist.  I COULDN'T FIND IT!  They had regular Sierra Mist, and Natural Sierra Mist.  No diet.

I admit, I drink diet soda.  Yea, aspartame.  For some reason, people think this stuff is evil.  They think it's more unhealthy than sugar, or even high fructose corn syrup.  That's bullshit.  In my opinion, it a miracle of modern science.  Well, I limit the amount I take in, just in case.  But seriously.  This stuff has been studied to death.  No respectable study has concluded any harmful effects to health.  I have been drinking the stuff for a while, and I feel great, and am in great shape.  Honestly, the absolute worst this can do to you is slightly increase your risk of cancer in the long-term.  Bring it on.  If you avoid aspartame because of that, I hope you put on sun screen every time you step outside.

Sierra Mist Natural is bullshit, and an epic fail of healthy marketing.  If they really cared about health, they would make it with Stevia instead of this "natural" sugar.  But there's a problem.  Stevia doesn't taste as good.  Nobody would buy it.  If they can convince people "natural" sugar is a healthier choice, they can make it taste the same as regular Sierra Mist, and get increased sales from people trying to be healthy and failing.  Quite a win for them I guess.

/end rant

So Much Failure, But One Glorious Win

No updates for a while.  My girlfriend stayed over for 3 days, longest amount of time I ever spent with her.  So much fun :D

Anyways, we started playing Donkey Kong Country 2 in the middle of October, over 3 months ago.  We would play it every time she visited, about once a week.  I was always Diddy, she Dixie.  We were in the final world, and we set a goal to beat this game over the three days she would be here.  It took us two of those days to make it to the end.  Finally, glorious victory!

This game was so... fucking.... difficult!  We got a game-over like 20 times I would guess.  So much frustration, so many tears.  It makes the victory all the much sweeter.  We made love as the credits rolled.

The game is wacky yet simple.  Incredibly difficult, yet beatable.  Full of challenges and packed with so much charm to keep you coming back.  And it's multiplayer.  I miss when the times when more games were like this.  Really, the music alone is enough to keep us playing.  It was such a fun experience.  Can't wait to find the next game we can play together.

So much win lately.

Diet Win

Sorry for no update in a while.  But I cured my sweetooth syndrome.  Sugar-free Jell-o bitches.  10 calories per cup.  Fuck yes.  Epic win for the magical chemicals that make things sweet without the calories.  Aspartame, love it.

That flavor in the pic is delicious by the way.  Strawberry acai.  So good.

Diet Fail

It's hard living at home with my parents... When I was living in my dorm at school, I was dieting very successfully.  Now, with my parents... Their house is full of junk food.  Namely, the picture.  Cheesecake.  My ultimate weakness.  I need to move out ASAP.  For my health's sake.  I fucking love cheesecake... omg.  I can lose 50 lbs in a semester, but for the month I have been home, I haven't lost one single pound.

It's like some cruel joke made by god.  He made all the tastiest things in the world incredibly unhealthy.    GOD FAIL!

Education System Fail

This pic pretty much sums it up.  I just want a part-time minimum wage job so I can make some money.  I have a master's degree in engineering.  Why is it so hard??

Hormone Fail

I only get to see my girlfriend every two weeks or so.  Semi-long distance relationship FTL.  So...  The day we've been scheduling to see each other, she gets her period.  That was today.  So here I am, alone, writing in my blog.  Hormones FTL.

There is a win however.  She was totally cool with calling off our date due to her period.  She knows what's good ;D

How about a video game review?

Here we go! HtF's first video game review.

I just beat this game with my brother.  It's a very simple game, that gives fond memories of going to the arcade with a friend and teaming up, shooting things on a screen with fake guns.  I highly suggest investing in those silly gun accessories.  It's not necessary, nor does it make anything easier, but the experience just feels so much better holding a gun.

It doesn't get much simpler.  You shoot the zombies.  The game is easy, and it's short.  You will die a couple times, but it's an arcade game with unlimited quarters.  You need to play this game with a friend.  There is no reward for beating things really, except seeing the ridiculous story.  The real fun comes from competing with a friend to get a higher score.  And it's fun.

About the story... know this beforehand.  It's made really really bad on purpose.  It's a joke.  It's supposed to be like an old, low budget B-movie, on crack.  I had a friend watch, and he didn't get it.  He's like... "who the hell made this game? It's so badly made, this is awful."  It's made by Sega, so you know it's not some no-name.  But me and my brother were laughing the whole time through the story.  I thought it was hilarious.  The characters all have extreme personalities, there's no explanations for any single thing that happens in the game, there's all sorts of random explosions, and nothing makes sense.  Gotta love it.

Too bad the game is so short.  It was over way too soon.  I feel like they should have multiple story lines.  Since it's kind of like a B-movie, they should have gone with the Grindhouse approach and made a double-feature.  After you beat it, you can beat it over again with a longer shooting sequence.  No thanks.  The mini-games are pretty lame too.  So, total entertainment from this game: 2-3 hours.  That's it.  At least it's an enjoyable 2-3 hours.

Get the game if you can get it for about $10, maybe $15.  No more than that.  Final verdict: NOT QUITE A FAIL!

Don't you hate that feeling?

I recently saw Tron in theaters with my girlfriend.  I might do a HtF review on that movie at another time.  Spoiler alert: I didn't enjoy it.  Then I was thinking today, it wasn't as good as the other movie I saw a month ago with my girlfriend in theaters.... BUT WHAT MOVIE WAS IT??

It's so frustrating.... I remember fooling around with my girlfriend in the theater. Maybe that's why I enjoyed it, hehe.  No... I remember it was actually a good movie.  But my mind is drawing a blank.  If it was good, shouldn't I remember it? AHHH!

I would recommend everyone go see it.  Too bad I don't know which movie it was.  My brain has failed.

Maybe my followers can help me.  What good movies were playing about a month ago that aren't playing anymore?

Cablevision: A Failure of a TV Provider

Take a look at the newest show on Cartoon Network.  What better way to spread propaganda than to subliminally instill the ideas into our children?  GENIUS! Bravo Fox News.

Oh wait, it's just my shitty cable provider, mixing up all the channels.  The funny thing is, I actually was trying to watch the Cartoon Network, but it showed Glenn Beck (with the Fox News icon in the bottom right).  So, if I was actually a child who swears by Cartoon Network all day err'day like I once did, I would be watching Glenn Beck and Fox News all day long.  I hope I wasn't the only person with this glitch..... I could only imagine the complaints from parents when they see their kids being brainwashed with conservative propaganda.  Or the army of gun-toting bible-waving lunatics that will emerge in the future generation.

This falls under the category of: EPIC FAIL, considering this glitch might have triggered the start of the end of the world.  Good job Cablevision.

Mother Nature has Failed the Northeast.... AGAIN

Well, it's not as bad this time.  Unfortunately, I don't have a pic of the "day after Christmas blizzard."  I wouldn't even dare go outside to be honest, but it was a shitshow.  I just finished shoveling my driveway and sidewalk.  Manual labor FTL, and a big FUCK YOU to mother nature.

I think this blog can finally get me started on that photography hobby I've been meaning to pick up for so long.  Lots of pictures sure to come.

Dinner for Failure

First failure of the blog.  This is the first that came to mind, as it was one of the more epic fails in recent memory.  Me and some buds rented this on-demand last night, and all had the same thoughts.  So here is the first Here's to Fail's movie review!

This movie has Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Zach Galifianakis, and that dude from Flight of the Conchords.  There's no way this movie could fail right?  I'll inform you of that in a moment.  Here's the rundown.

Paul Rudd works in some company where he kisses major ass for chances at promotions.  He is considered for this promotion, he will get his own office and everything, all his dreams coming true, fuckin A.  He has a hot girlfriend too by the way, and he is ready to propose any minute.  So, his superiors inform him that he is considered for the promotion, and they tell him this weird company tradition; they all invite the dumbest person they know to dinner, and the corporate smart-asses can make fun of them, and will award a trophy to the most "special" guest of the night.

Paul Rudd is a pussy right from the start.  He hears about what he needs to do to get the promotion of his dreams, and he is conflicted whether he will go through with it or not.  His girlfriend, being the obvious man in the relationship, tells him he can't do it.  Paul Rudd obeys, and decides he won't do it.... until he runs into Steve Carell; the most annoying character in a movie ever.

Steve Carell doesn't play an idiot, he plays an annoyance.  From the moment he walks into Paul Rudd's apartment, he begins to fuck up this guys life.  And that's the movie: Steve Carell fucking up Paul Rudd's life.  And it doesn't stop.... for 2 hours.  Paul Rudd may be a pussy, but he doesn't deserve all of this.  You want it to stop after Paul Rudd's entire life is thoroughly fucked up, but Steve Carell just keeps going.  The whole time you just wanna punch Steve Carell in the face for being such a fuckup.  He really pissed me off.  I knew the movie would somehow have a happy ending, but fuck that, I just wanted to get Steve Carell's character out of my life forever.  Even the antagonist, that dude from Flight of the Conchords, wins your affection due to the hatred towards Steve Carell's character.

The movie was very forgetful, I don't even remember how it turned around into a happy ending from the shit of all shit it turned into.  There was a few laughs, that's about it.  Zach Galifianakis was funny as fuck as usual.

This movie gets the Here's to Fail's official seal of:

EPIC FAIL

My First Fail of the Day

I failed to make a good and unique template for my blog.  I embrace my conformity and shall use the built-in one for a while....

Hey look I made a blog.

Lots of failure likely to ensue.